~Time Slipping Away (aka "Fruitbat!!")
2002-07-11 - 6:11 p.m.

*bursts out laughing* I'm reading this bio from a prospective Hogwarts student...which I probably will accept because it meets the requirements, but I'm not positive about her value as a member (hopefully she'll turn out to be one of those who aren't great at writing bios but are decent RPers, and it's not a bad bio, it's just very plain). I'm not sure how ethical it is to cut and paste segments of people's bios into my diary, but this girl apparently

"...used to be a little on the chunky side, but slimed out very nicely as she matured a little..."

*falls over giggling* How pleasant to mature a little and find your chunkiness sliming out!

I slept really badly last night, I think mostly from watching Buffy then Angel from 7:30-9:30. I thought that because I'd watch The Panel afterwards and because they were only repeats on PayTV then I wouldn't feel jumpy, but, despite being so tired I went to bed before The Panel had finished and reading for a while, I didn't sleep very well at all.

When I finally got up I looked out my window at the almost-winter-bare apple tree and saw some funny black plastic thing in the tree that looked at first just like a fruitbat! I was quite excited (and also a little freaked as I'd just seen an episode of Charmed to do with vampires and bats) because I've never, ever heard of a fruitbat coming out here (although they have them in the botanic gardens in the city) but couldn't believe it really was a bat. It was so typical - it looked like it had two blat claws clinging onto the branch, black wings wrapped around itself and a furry orange-brown head peaking out from the bottom. I finally went outside with my camera and some food for Dim (Emma's guinea pig) and went up to the tree cautiously. And it was a fruitbat!! I made sure I took two photos just to prove it. I'm still quite excited, even though it's flown away now (I wish I'd seen it go!).

I feel a little like I wasted the past two days away. I know only have one weekday left of my holidays and I'm really not ready to go back to hard work. Today I slept to badly I didn't even bother with making plans for the day, while yesterday I enjoyed a peaceful do-nothing day on purpose (but ended up being bored by about 5pm, by which time it was too late to do anything anyway). I think that, even if I sleep amazingly-badly, I might just have to force myself to go out tomorrow so that I don't feel I've wasted the holidays. Then I can spend the weekend at home again and be kind of ready for uni.

I'm getting a sinking feeling in my tummy thinking about uni, now. I'm just sick of all the effort. If all I had to do was rock up each day and work well there I could handle it, but, especially in fourth year, there's so much out-of-hours stuff I just have to do, and do well, or I fail - it's not even that if I don't put all the work in then I don't get a good mark, it's putting all that work in to simply pass. Just the thought of it is depressing and fills me with dread. I'm just so sick of uni and study!!

If I pass everything except that one music subject this year then I'm going to try to make it up at summer school. I don't really want to study more, but otherwise I won't be able to teach for three quarters of the year and that will be a pain. If I can't make it up at summer school or I don't pass another subject as well then I'm simply going to choose another interesting subject (perhaps the Orff Music one, or some other arts subject) and just sit back and try to enjoy my final semester or two. I'll try to get some tutoring jobs to keep more money flowing in and I'll continue to volunteer at at least one primary school so I keep my skills up, but won't actually go and repeat my field experience subject because I'm just sick of uni work!

Even though I desperately want to graduate this year - it's embarassing if I don't, for a start, I'm sick to death of uni and study and assessment and I really really need to start having a proper job for my own sanity - I'm determined to look on the bright side if it turns out that I need to make up a subject. It makes me feel better just imagining having a fun year next year, even if I'm not doing exactly what I want.