~What a Droob
2004-08-19 - 8:56 p.m.

I was passing these annoying people that had parked illegally right outside the supermarket entrance today, and noticed that the guy had a tight long-sleeved top on and was very cute, which started me smiling to myself. And I thought "guys should wear more tight shirts!", reminded of Michael Cormick wearing a looovely tight top at my first Carols by Candlelight rehearsal-with-orchestra-and-soloists. Mmmm gorgeous torso. Then I thought "goodness, I'm rather (well, if I could've thought of a less crude word I would have...) horny at the moment aren't I??" Maybe it's just that I've seen more guys in recent days that I'm actually attracted to, but I'm really not the kind of girl who very often does go swoony or drooly over guys. Even guys that I find handsome I often don't really go swoony/drooly (swooly? droony? hehe) over.

Maybe I'm finally growing up? I'm not sure this is a good thing. As I was walking away from Mr Tight-Top I pondered his age and rather suspect he was a few years younger than me. Surely I'm not old enough for there to be guys younger than me worth being attracted to? I must be getting old! And the gold medalists at the Olympics are getting younger than me, too. I like having money, car, independence. I dislike growing older. I liked being childish and carefree and having allowances made for me because I wasn't an adult. And train tickets for adults are just ridiculous!

I think this is one of the things about my diary: I often don't type about my day or week, I don't even type about my feelings; I type my thoughts, my ponderings, my reflections. It doesn't mean there's nothing about my day in here, but all of those anecdotes or things that I need to relive, I tend to talk over with Mum, Lien, or to just go over it in my head. Sometimes I need to go over it in here because it's churning me up or just really occupying my mind, and I think sometimes I get into a real habit of typing in here. Often, though, it's tiring and feels like a waste of my precious free time to go over the whole boring day again, when its already taken so much of my time!

But I think this often means that people don't get the same insight into my life and feel the same connection with it as they might with someone like Amber or Laura (by the way, it's a purely analytical comparison, if I was trying to be more popular than they, I could start by writing in here a darn sight more often!!).

I'm tired. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, but I will. I could really enjoy lazing the day away. I want to be a kept woman! Hehehe. I don't really, I'm too independent for that...but I would love to be financially independent. Alrighty, throat sore, back painful and am tiredly babbling. Probably time to wrap this up.