~A World of Make-Believe
2004-09-18 - 5:38 p.m.

I'm the kind of person who spends more time fantasising about doing things rather than actually doing them. This isn't a revelation of any kind, it just hit home all over again this afternoon. I remember, when the first three seasons of Big Brother were on, deciding how I'd handle the shower situations or food or living with certain people and all of a sudden emerge from my reverie to discover I'd wasted twenty minutes thinking - even worrying - about a show that I'd never go on anyway! It is not only reality programs for which I do this. I'll regularly find myself playing out conversations with people I haven't met for ages from high school or uni, from the cinemas or even people from work. Such a waste of time! I've discovered a new facet to this, however. Since I've been properly watching the Australian Idol finals (instead of switching them on because there was nothing else on and then flicking a lot, like I did last year), I've found myself, naturally imagining being on Australian Idol. This is even more natural as I love singing and performing anyway. If I had any remarkable talent, or even knew how to sing properly to utilise my actual (mediocre) talent, I'd at least consider trying out for Australian Idol (and then probably be relieved not to have to go through all of that criticism and stress on national television).

So there I was an hour ago, with Fallen (Evanescence) up loud in the loungeroom because the 'rents are out doing the grocery shopping, singing away and pretending to perfom all the songs...and mentally figuring out which songs best suit my voice and which verses I'd need to chop in order to cut them down to the mini-songs required for Australian Idol. In fact, I realised I've been doing this to almost every song I've listened to at home or the car for the past week!

This is such an unneccesary waste of my thinking!!

But there it is, that's how I am. Sometimes it's good, because I spend so much time in the mornings, when I don't have to work, thinking out the preparation I have to do for the week, that I'll often find it easier to simply get up and do it - it would work like that when I only had a day or two left to complete my uni assignments, too! The problem comes when I lie in bed for half an hour or more planning, then get up and, by the time I've had breakfast and chatted with anyone else who's up, find I really don't feel like working anymore.

That happened today in a slightly different way. I decided to work in my room, which therefore required a Major Clean-up. Since I don't know anyone in the defence forces, I had to tackle the work myself. After about an hour and a half, I had half of the things off the floor and onto shelves, but also half the things off my desk and spread out over the floor and bed (not to mention the things I took off the shelves to make room for the things from the floor...). At that stage I realised I'd had enough (really a valid decision, with the sorry state of my back at the moment). On the one hand, it was good to finally get stuck into the clutter that's been cramping my space, but I didn't actually get any school work done! I have two weeks of holidays in which to do work, but I know my nature: once I start putting it off, all my good intentions will fly out the window and I won't do anything until the Sunday night before term 4 begins. Whereas, if I begin today (or, at the latest, tomorrow), and even do a little bit, not only will it be easier to do little bits here and there all through the holidays, if I don't do much else, at least I've made a start!