~Things From My Perspective
2005-01-23 - 10:11 p.m.

Just been for a walk with the parents.

I'm not a moody person, but I'm ultra-sensitive. Basically, there are times when I'm too sensitive and, as a result, my mood can change from good to bad pretty quickly. My bad mood is more of a system shut-down that appears a bit like a sulk. It's not a sulk because, when I used to sulk as a child, that usually meant I secretly wanted to be coaxed and comforted out of my sulk. This is just a mood change. I'll be chattering happily one moment and, once that fatal comment has been uttered that hurts or offends me, I'm stripped of all desire to have anything more to do with anybody for a time. I don't want anybody to come and make me laugh, and I don't want to wallow, I just want to disconnect and quietly heal.

Tomorrow is the last day of holidays. On Tuesday the teachers go back to work. On Wednesday it is a public holiday for Australia Day, on Thursday the kiddiums return.

I still have so many things I wanted to get done!!

And I want my physio to return. *poutpout* I want to stop feeling tight, sore and achey, I really do. Yes, I know that sitting at the computer doesn't help, but, really, there's not much I like to do that isn't sedantry; at least I've been getting out for a walk more often this past week.

I think that there's sometimes something very self-indulgent and denying about journalling. We journallers like to get our thoughts down, share our life, work through our worries. Have you noticed, though, that whenever things are really bad, all that we seem able to do is to sit at the computer and type about our problems? I'm not saying that it doesn't help at all, writing these things out, getting support from people who read our diaries and generally relaxing. It's just that there's always been something very addictive about the computer, even moreso the internet, and it seems that it only feeds our lethargy. If we came home from work or school and had no internet, no computer, maybe we would still sit in front of the TV, but maybe we would get so bored by this that we would feel inclined to go out and do something. It seems to me that going out and doing anything is usually better than being at home in front of the computer when times are tough.

Again, I don't mean that there is no benefit from the computer, but it becomes so much a part of our routine, and it's a routine that seems to revolve around the computer, rather than fitting the computer in after we've done something more positive.

That isn't to say I can always bring myself to stay away from the computer when I get home in order to do something that is positive life step.