~You've Gotta Be In It To Win It
2006-11-07 - 5:57 p.m.

You've gotta be in it to win it!

We try to instill this sentiment into our students pretty much every day, if not every lesson, although not in those exact words. Sometimes these kids know that they're fighting a losing battle - why should they write this story when they know it won't be any good? Why should they try at sport when they know they won't win? Why should they bother with a spelling test when they know they'll get most of them wrong? Is it really worth all the effort?

I suppose it's easy with kids to focus on the learning - and it is about the learning, as far as we're concerned, but is it really about that for the kids? Do they really care about going through such torturous attempts at their work for the prospect of almost-certain failure?

Because, really, how often do we forget about this advice as adults? Things that we're confident with, we'll often have a go at even if things don't turn out. Things that don't require much effort would fall into the same category.

But, so often, I've let other things - big, important things - slide because the effort is just too hard and the chance of getting it all wrong is fairly high. Sometimes I've let things slide just because of the effort and not even because I'm that unconfident about the outcome.

Right now I'm trying to write this job application. I've already decided that, unless a really nifty part-time position crops up, I'll just apply for this one. It's my old school, so it's the only place I'd really consider doing full-time work next year, when I'm not really sure that I'm ready for full-time work again. This application should be mostly cut-and-paste from old applications for me, but I'm having such a struggle because I want to make it better than my old applications, so I've restructured it, which means I can't cut and paste. It's due tomorrow. Today is a public holiday for Melbourne Cup, so I've given myself all today. Tomorrow, however, I might get asked to work. Well, a whole day working on this should be easy - it should only have taken me two hours. Instead, I've been working on it for almost six, on-and-off, and only have 4 of 6 key selection criteria responses done. Aaargh.

A part of me says that I should just not worry - I'm not even sure that I want to teach in a classroom full time next year, so, even if I got offered one of these jobs, I mightn't take it.

But then, I miss being a settled teacher. Sometimes I find myself spending twenty minutes daydreaming new lessons or classroom set-ups, and then I remember that I don't have a classroom to set up, or a class or subject to plan lessons for! And also, if I did get offered a job...well, there are only three jobs available at APS for next year (at least, so far - and not including the Art Specialist job), and there are four or five teachers currently at APS who have their contracts winding up at the end of this year. That means potentially five other people plus me going for those same jobs. Hopefully, they apply for other jobs and get them and then I wouldn't feel bad - and I'd also have less competition!!

But it's that same thing, isn't it? A part of me just wants to say "Screw it, I'm not going to get it finished today, I won't even bother, I might not even want the job!"

But what if I do. It'll be too late if I change my mind of Thursday! I've got to be in it to win it.

So, even though it's a hard, stress-stress-stressful slog, I pretty much have to finish this, even if it means sacrificing any work that I get offered tomorrow.