~Holidays Almost Over
2007-01-16 - 9:02 p.m.

Of course, I could always calm myself somewhat by saying that I don't have apply for this job at the private school; that I'm not sure I want to teach there anyway, that I've got guaranteed work whatever happens and that I'm potentially underqualified so I probably won't even get it.

But that's probably what I should be focusing on: that I probably won't get it so there's not real pressure, I should just try. The problem is that I've gone into my best reality-ignoring mode. And it's made worse by the fact that I can't ignore it because it's constantly at the back of my mind.

One good thing is that I've been ravenous all day and even a little light-headed, but I eventually realised I should take naprogesic and, not long after taking it, I felt full and much more awake mentally. Hm.

A part of me is mad for putting so much pressure on myself during holidays, but in another way, I simply wish that I'd used my periods of motivation for something more effective. I dawdled and spread my energies wide, not thinking that I'd probably lose all focus and motivation at some point. Now that I've reached that point, I realise how precious all of that postitive enthusiasm was and how much more I could have done with it.