~Bennett, not McGuire!
2004-04-13 - 11:57 a.m.

I have a friend who say Summertime is always the hardest emotionally for her. It just feels a little like many of my other friends are pre-empting this and feeling down now instead. I haven't had that lovely sleep when I wake up with a clear head and an abundance of energy since Thursday, but, otherwise, I've been feeling rather chipper. It's so hard from the other side of the world to chipper-up everyone else too. It's also hard to feel chipper when friends decidedly don't.

I realised that I often forget one important trait when self-analysing: my pride. Did you notice it, my online friends? Was it apparent all along, although never commented upon? I know it's there, I just conveniently forget to mention it. It goes hand-in-hand with my over-sensitivity. You wound my feelings, my pride springs up to hide it, that kind of thing. I suppose it's one of the few ways in which I resemble that rather dodgy Metal Rooster description of my chinese horoscope. Not arrogant. Only an ounce of arrogance, which is no more noteworthy than with anybody else, but proud. Definitely proud. Mr Darcy, I understand your pride. Lizzie, I understand yours, too. Of course, I lack the confidence, the self-assurance of them both, but the pride covers it. Bearing my soul is too undignified and leaves me too vulnerable. Better to protect myself with my wall of pride.

My holidays have been so much fun. I don't want them to end.