~Written Two Days Ago
2005-03-25 - 10:16 a.m.

I feel...frustrated...dissatisfied.

I don't know, school just feels stupid right now. I don't particularly mean the kids, although yes, they are being stupid, I just never seem to be in the classroom so I don't have to deal with it. That's one of the frustrating things. Tomorrow will be the second of only two days I get to teach my kids this week - and on Monday, the first day, the afternoon was taken up with the Harmony Day performances, so it's not as if I had much actual teaching time with them anyway. And that teaching time was all portfolio worksheets, instead of proper learning.

But, with only one week of term left, I'm not really letting that bother me too much. No, right now I'm disappointed with the school in general. I know that a part of this springs from me wanting to make more of a difference to the whole school this year and also having a clearer insight into the stuff going on with other staff and Leadership. I suppose I would feel a little less frustrated if I could, at least, be implementing some of my ideas in the classroom - hell, I could be doing a bit of teaching, even! I guess that I would feel more able to do things beyond my classroom if I was making any kind of difference to my own class.

We had our unit's planning day today for next term's topic and I felt...it's really hard to put my finger on exactly why I wasn't satisfied with how we were working together. I think it was maybe a little of talking at cross-purposes. We've been grappling with this planner format that hasn't really worked for us, so we've changed it and I feel like we're facing pretty much exactly the same problems, just in a different way. Yes, it is a little easier to use, but we also seem to have ended up with more categories that we have to find things for instead of just getting down to the basic, straightforward, relevant activities. It's so...kinda...urgh. And then it turns out that the 2/3 teachers make their own planner from that anyway...so why don't we just do their planner in the first place?? They said they'd give me what they've done, when they've done it, so I might use that as a basis for my term's work.

One of my favourite members of staff...I haven't mentioned her so she probably doesn't have a name. Let's call her Charlotte. OK, so I'll backtrack a bit. Sorry for all of the ... (I've forgotten what they're called), it's a tired entry, so I'm letting a bit more train of thought stuff happen. Eeeennyway. Charlotte started at APS last year with Lien and I. The difference was that she was an experienced teacher who had been working for our Region for the Department, doing Early Years Literacy training and so forth. She took a Leading Teacher position in our 4/5/6 area. She is lovely. She is such a nice, caring, inspiring, supportive person who has a great teaching philosophies and great strategies. When she had my kids for a short while earlier this year she taught them about mnemonics!

Well, last year her position was tough because she had a fairly "disconnected" 4/5/6 class, with some children with various issues and problems, as well as some lovely but neglected ones. That, in itself, wasn't the especially tough part, except that Charlotte was having to adjust to the full-on energy of being back in a class and she cares so much about her students that she pretty much took all of their problems onto herself (which is pretty easy to do, really). Anyway, as the leader of the 4/5/6s she was sent on PDs (professional development) and consultations constantly and felt - well, basically as I feel now - as if she never saw her class. She felt that her class had such high needs and that they suffered for not having their teacher there with them consistently, and she was trying to plan and deal with her class problems as well as cope with all her extra leadership responsibilities (and all this in her first time back to classroom teaching in quite a few years).

This year, the school decided to try to have all of our Leading teachers out of the classroom, so that they were available for support programs and things like that. Charlotte returned to classroom teaching so that she could get back to connecting with students, so when this was proposed, she planned to have special programs taking the 28 kids in 4/5/6 who can barely read and other special groups to give support to the teachers and make a difference to the kids. In the 10 weeks so far of this term, she hasn't been able to do that. When she hasn't been doing more administrative kind of things, she's basically been treated like an extra spare teacher - like a CRT - and releasing teachers or getting sent on excursion and so forth.

Now, Charlotte's one of those people who I love to have around me. I can learn so much from her and she's so inpsiring and encouraging of my endeavours. She's found a new job and is leaving next week. She told the principal a few weeks ago, but otherwise has only told Peggy and the graduate teacher in 4/5/6. She hasn't even told the rest of her 4/5/6 unit, because she feels it's the principal's job to announce it...but the principal hasn't yet.

Anyway, basically, this really depresses me. We have a lovely school with some great teachers and great philosophies, but we also have some big communication problems and many issues where teaching practice isn't able to come in line with our ideals and philosophies. I am beginning to feel quite frustrated over this, but I feel that, if we have Charlotte, then my newish teacher colleagues and I can begin to slowly change things for the better. Now that she's leaving, I feel a little as if the small hold on the rudder that I had is going. Now the rudder's being pushed all over the place by other people, without regard for our intended destination.

Did you like that analogy? It was organic.

Anyway. Bleh. This was not the only silly thing that happened today, but they were all little, little things that add to my dissatisfaction. Having said that, the Deputy Principal, who can be rather abrupt with people (it's mostly just her way), has been very, very pleasant to me recently.