~Me: Part One
2005-08-14 - 4:12 p.m.

I'm posting this to my LJ and blog, too.

A girl of contradictions.
Very sensitive, too sensitive often. Can't take criticism, can only take advice when there's not implication of inadequate performance. Love comedy, love laughing and being silly. Can sometimes be very witty and sometimes make lame jokes. Hopeless at remembering lines from movies unless I watch them often and practice them, so often can't remember things I want to repeat. Love to write but am too lazy to do it very much. Am always weaving stories in my head but they never develop to the point where I write them down - particularly because I'm lazy with it. I love food and eating but am very particular about what I eat. I have sensitive taste, smell & hearing. I just don't like many foods and many smells make me sick or headachey. I can't stand sharp or scraping sounds, they're excruciatingly painful. I get migraines, so noise and light - anything bright, piercing, glaring or flashing especially - trigger them. I don't eat well enough and am probably not healthy in my body. I'm a bit of a sook and I like to snuggle up rather than be active. I do everything in my head and don't like to do it physically. Very down-to-earth, but love imagining things. Can scare myself by just imagining a ghoul in the cupboard. Would not want to meet ghosts of any relatives coz it'd freak me out. Only feel safe if nothing bad happens. Can't stand watching the news coz it distresses me, makes me feel physically sick and disturbs me so I feel unsafe. Am too sympathetic and imaginative and can't help imagining the pain, sorrow, fear and suffering of others.

Can be inspired but usually bad at following things through. More of an ideas person. Love to enthuse others. Love to share what I know and provide people with abilities and independence. Generally good at seeing both sides and believe in balance. Very open to new ideas and opposing opinions, but tend to remain firm on certain fundamental beliefs. Very much a humanist. Understanding of many feelings but find it hard to really comprehend how one human can not care for the feelings and needs of another. Love to give things, proud of being "Friday's Child". will go out of my way to help people if I feel confident. Love making new friends but am very wary. Find it hard to open up to most people. Will make the first move towards friendship if in a situation where I'm comfortable and confident.

Have very fragile ego. Very proud (made worse because I'm over-sensitive), I tend to protect myself emotionally. Have belief in myself as a person but not as someone of ability. Tend to take a while to adjust to new circumstances or situations. Like predictibility and structure within my life but don't like being tied down and restricted. With the right people, can disengage the protective stopper between my brain and my mouth and carry a converstion singly for an hour, though few ever experience this. Brain moves very quickly, often lose track of what I'm saying. Often go off on various tangents to explain a main point, taking a long, long time to get to the point. Love to discuss, analyse, ponder, pick apart and find similarities between things. Easily intimidated by loud and confident people, especially those who make my opinions seem inadequate.

Very ambitious in an idealistic way. Love making plans and deciding what to do but tend to take a long time do things and take modest steps. Very supportive of others but can resent a lack of support and understanding in return. Have a very fiery temper but rarely raised. Too proud, dignified and aware of embarassment to let anger lose on people not very close to me. Very introspective and interested in emotions, character and behaviour. Am teaching self to be more assertive and to deal with conflict calmly and sensitively without blowing up or backing off. Hate conflict.

Can be very confident and capable and show initiative in a supportive and encouraging environment. Hate not knowing what will happen, like to prepare reactions, don't like to have to "wing it" without experience. Will confidently "wing it" in current teaching position as am comfortable. Will tend to not take chances because I like to feel safe and secure and am unconfident in my ability to cope with difficult situations in new circumstances. Don't like to be uncomfortable physically or emotionally. Can usually put on a good face an hide my emotions from others. Usually unable to push emotions to the back, especially if am very upset, nervous, unhappy or humiliated, even if they are well hidden from others.

Will weigh decisions carefully and logically but will go with a decision that fits emotionally. Prefer to put things off that are confronting, new, require a lot of effort, require phone calls etc. Don't like being away from support but like doing my own things on my own. Independence springs as much from fear of looking foolish when trying to work things out as a desire to be alone. Hate criticism and being embarassed; can't say it enough. Mood usually fairly even, but can be dropped to dismal in a second if criticised or some other negative thing hurts my feelings or my ego.

Love music, usually have music in my head. Love singing & playing piano but am not disciplined with practice and don't feel very talented. Feel good in small ways at many things but not very good at any one thing. Appreciate fine art, literature, music etc. but tend to go for whatever entertains me rather than what others consider to be good. Icky thoughts, stories or experiences can stay with me for a long time. Am not very active but do love dancing around on my own and playing tennis/raquet sports. Have too many ailments to be very active beyond walking & swimming. If feeling a bit not well, would rather withdraw from the world than work through it, although I will work through it often. Am very picky about things like sleep - don't like any light because it stops me sleeping. Don't like noise. Have suffered from insomnia and constantly afraid it'll return.

Am not ashamed of being sensitive and wimpy, realise it makes me understanding of others and disinclined to judge. Certainly do find some people unlikeable and most people I either feel comfortable with or don't, but can learn to feel comfortable with people occasionally. Very quirky and like being silly. Hate being boxed into an idea of my personality - reliable, funny, confident, shy, regular etc. Have many different facets to my character and tastes and sometimes like pretty girly things, sometimes like plain and simple things, sometimes loud and angry, dark and mysterious, serious and sorrowful, funny and bright, elegant and sophisticated and so generally go for something neutral to complement all moods, which never shows off any of the parts.