~Absolutely
2005-08-21 - 1:41 p.m.

I feel as if I need to do something to be productive, yet I also feel that I owe myself a relaxing day, apart from the stuff that I must do for work.

The problem is, Dianne expects me to come out for her birthday dinner this evening. On a Sunday night! I went to her "family" birthday thing at their place last night. It was a bit bleh. I didn't feel well because I've still got this cold from a week and a half ago and I'm still pretty exhausted from camp because I haven't had a proper chance to sleep it off. Obviously, being sick makes me tired anyway. I spent the first half of the night sitting around feeling utterly bored.

//Tangent// I abhor the way everybody, especially in the media, seems to be using "absolutely" to express the extremity of something, rather than just choosing a better adjective. And also how they say "ABsolutely" to the point where it sounds like "APsolutely". Doesn't "utterly bored" sound so much better than "APsoLUTELY bored!"? People these days seem to just chuck absolutely onto the beginning of an adjective in a lazy habitual manner, rather than making any effort. I'm beginning to get very (absolutely!) irritated every time I hear that word. Seriously people, it's not that hard to find a different way of describing things, people have been doing it for centuries. //End Tangent//

Well, I was bored partly because I was tired and a bit headachey, but mostly because of Tim's family. They're a lovely family, without any real faults (I mean, as far as "in-laws" are concerned, it seems that they so often have little annoying habits that irritate the poor "daughter-in-law" - the talking marks are because Tim & Dianne aren't married, of course), but the fact that they're very chatty and sociable sometimes means that they're a bit much. I mean, let's face it, this is introverted little Janette here, who can talk if people are drawing her into something interesting, but otherwise has nothing to say. Well, the interesting thing was half the problem. Arg, I'm all over the place with my development of topic today. See, there were three members of Dianne's family there and nine people representing Tim's side of the family. They're all nice, but it means they tend to dominate the conversation and if I want to join in it'll be about things they're talking about or they can relate to. In this case, it was Tim's cousin's 20-month-old daughter Chloe.

Nice enough toddler and all that, but how interested can I really get in watching whether she takes a cracker from the coffee table or not and which dips she likes to eat? It's really not that fascinating, neither is it that funny. Besides, without being a badly behaved girl, she's definitely going to turn into one of those who keeps doing things after her parents have told her to stop until they say it like they really mean it, about the fifth time. I'm a teacher and, yes, I sometimes don't demand quite the immediate discipline that I should, but I don't have much time for pandering to kids. Playing with them is fine, but not sitting around going "Now don't do that...stop now...c'mon..." Later in the evening she was interested in Mum's handbag, which was sitting in the kitchen near me. I came along and said, firmly and nicely, "NO. Don't go into the bag. NO." and moved her hands away from the bag. She looked up at me seriously for a few moments, then toddled away to play with the bin (teehee). See? Pretty immediate obedience because I showed her by moving her hands away what the no was for and I showed by my tone that I meant it. It wasn't mean and she didn't get upset. She's not a naughty girl, she's just a bit indulged. They do keep an eye on her.

The other thing that got me feeling a bit bleh was their opinions. It just took me back to high school, where I'd sit with my mouth shut while people derided things that I liked. It happened with a few things but, particularly, this CD that Tim's dad had bought Dianne from England. I've just googled her and she's Madeleine Peyroux. She has a lovely, light, laid-back bluesy jazz sound, a little like Peggy Lee without being as boppy. I was sitting there thinking that maybe I'd buy or burn a copy, because she was so pleasant to listen to, but for the next twenty minutes there were sporadic derisive comments about the music by Tim's family members, so I was glad that I'd not said anything. Of course, unlike at high school, I could have said "Well, I like it a lot!" and they wouldn't have minded, but it's still rather a statement to make after they've all turned their noses up at it. They did that for a few things (oh goodness, it's making them sound like all they did is criticise!) and it just made me feel less happy. It was me being over-sensitive and over-tired, of course, but I wasn't happy with the situation in which I found myself.

I had a little bit to eat at dinner (there wasn't much I liked and what I did like was a bit rich and undercooked, so I didn't have much) and two panadeine, so I perked up a bit afterwards. They suddenly seemed like nicer people, too, hehe. Still, I felt a little like I was just killing time. I didn't sit down and join any proper conversations. I stayed in the kitchen a lot, sitting at the breakfast bar and comparing camps with Tim's little brother Dom, who'd just come back from his, helping Tim clean up and so forth. Oh, and teaching Chloe how to put rubbish in the bin and making her feel so pleased with herself hehe.

Still, today I've got to do a lot of preparation for next week, I have to email detailed info to my student teacher because his Uni Supervisor is coming on Tuesday to watch a lesson (argh! our uni didn't do that! it's evil!), I have to try to set up a worm farm (our topic is minibeasts) and I have to go grocery shopping for the week. I should go out for a walk, but it looks rainy and yesterday I walked for twenty minutes (I usually do 30-40mins) and was exhausted (I wanted to put "utterly", but then I realised that you don't need a degree of exhaustion, you just are), so I might give it a miss. I'm a bit uncertain about how I'm feeling about my back/neck/shoulder problems and physio at the moment. I'd like to try some proper accupunture, not just the ten minutes my physio gives me on rare occasions. It mightn't help, though, because my problems are as much chiropractic as muscular.

Considering that I'm barely/bearly (I suddenly can't remember which it should be) coping with being at home, let alone some walking, I don't know how well I'm going to go this week at work. I think I'll be tired and under the weather all week. I should go back to the doctor, but I think I'm just going to give up. The antibiotics didn't seem to be working, but I think most of the bacterial symptoms seem to be going and it's the viral one that's hanging around. I should go and drink more water...OK. I've refluidified (it's fun to make up words!). I would like to go out to Dianne's dinner, to be with friends and all of that, but I cannot afford to be even a little bit late. I may feel up to being out later, but if I'm home any later than 9:30pm, I won't get to bed until after 11pm, and that's too late under any circumstances, let alone when I'm sick. Last night we got home at 11:30 and it was 1am before I'd unwound enough and done stretches (they weren't even thorough) and got myself to bed. Then I had to read for another twenty minutes and then I lay around for the usual twenty minutes before I was actuall asleep.