~Too sensitive
2005-11-15 - 7:21 p.m.

Dear Mum,
I'm not saying this to attack your behaviour, I just need you to understand.

When I tell you about things people have done that upset me, I'm saying it because I need an outlet. I started today with explaining a little thing Dianne had done that caused me to be upset and cry. It doesn't help me when you try to balance it out by trying to get me to see the other person's side. I don't feel better about their behaviour for knowing it maybe had a reasonable cause. I only tell you anything because I need the catharsis of talking about something that has upset me. I probably shouldn't have said anything about Dianne. I should have learned this already; I know you find it hard to hear me say anything negative about Dianne, just as I would want you to feel unhappy if Dianne was complaining about me. The problem is that, by trying to point out where Dianne might have been coming from, you make me feel as if I had no cause to feel upset at all. This is particularly hurtful as I had been explaining that this was how Dianne had made me cry in the first place.

I wasn't trying to belittle Dianne, I made the point of telling you that I know she hadn't done anything wrong, maybe just been a little insensitive. I'd explained how what she'd said had made me feel very hurt, but I didn't feel that she'd done it on purpose. It had still made me cry. It makes me cry when you feel Dianne needs to be defended. I ended up trying to defend how I was feeling, which meant I sounded as if I was attacking Dianne, when all I'd ever needed was to tell you why I'd been crying today. Instead I've been crying ever since.

From now on, I'll try not to talk to you about this kind of thing too much, but if I do, can you please not try to make me see the other side. Maybe I delude myself, but I like to think that I'm very good at seeing where someone else is coming from. I thought you understood that about me. Please, can I just sometimes complain about something that has hurt my feelings, instead of being made to feel like a horrible person? Please, could you just have enough faith in me to trust that I'll do people every justice they deserve once I've released a bit of emotion? You're about the only person I really have to talk to about anything on an emotional level. Everyone else likes to try to solve the problem, make things better, doesn't really understand at all or just lives so far away. For all that I have lots and lots of good friends, I don't have anybody who I can just let loose about my tumult of emotions. I had thought you were the one person I could do this with, but I'm beginning to realise that there isn't anybody.

Feeling very unsupported,
Your Daughter