~Post-Holiday Jobby Thoughts
2006-06-06 - 6:54 p.m.

I've been back a week and it seems like such a long time and no time at all. It's hard to believe that it's already been a week since I was overseas. It still feels like only yesterday that I was jetsetting around the sunny side of America. At the same time, it seems like a different life, a surreal two month chunk cut out of my normal life. I've now been returned to normal programming but with around $15,000 of savings no longer there. It's three and a half years since I've been poor in a hovering-above-zero bank balance way.

For a few days I didn't know what to do with myself. I'd returned with a desire to keep going out and be more active than I had been, but I was tired and it was cold and I felt poor. Then I caught a cold from Mum, so my daily walking that I'd managed to be consistent with for three days after my return fell by the wayside.

However, I worked yesterday and today and now have six days before I work Tues-Fri next week. Even though I'm not quite rid of my cold, I didn't get my usual secondary bacterial infection and I managed fairly well at work. So much so that I feel a little like ringing up APS (who don't even know I'm back yet) and saying that I'm available on Thursday and Friday of this week. I definitely need at least tomorrow off, but I kinda miss APS (even though sometimes I loathe it) and wouldn't mind getting more money. If I did get at least one other day's work (and I'd rather it was there than FNPS, where I have been this week and will be next week) then it'd make my bank balance look somewhat healthier going into the two weeks of school holidays.

I don't know. The idea of not having to work for quite some time sounds nice. Chances are they wouldn't need me this week but next week, anyway!

I've been pondering next year. I always assumed that a year off would fix me up and I'd launch back into full-time teaching. Certainly, my future plans pretty much require full-time work, because I want to save up for a house and, if I don't move out on my own (because I'd be saving for a house) I at least want to be able to afford to buy furniture and things to make my living space at home more habitable.

'Nyway. Right now, I'm not sure that I want to go back to full-time work. Sure, getting dumped into a different room each day (sometimes each session) and trying to build up a rapport and so forth with kids is hard, but right now I've got three guilt-free days off work lined up and I have no reports to write. All these teachers around the place who've been all bogged down by evilevil report writing. Me: nothing, nada, zilch!

Yesterday, when I thought of having to work again today, it felt...tiring. Just thinking of it made me feel weary. I'm not really sure that I want to go back the daily grind, day-in, day-out, knowing that I'll be doing exactly the same thing all time. I'm not sure that I want to go back to the endless meetings and planning and constantly feeling as if I don't have enough time and should be doing more.

I'd like to think that I'm getting a new perspective on everything, that I'm positively reinforcing myself and that I'm more pro-active and also more zen and philosophical, but I don't really believe that I've changed my mental and personal habits enough not to fall into the same old patterns. In fact, it's probably the biggest thing that I've really got against going back to APS full-time. This year I want to look around at other schools and see if there're others I might like to work at. So far I've only worked at FNPS, so, by comparison, APS feels better because it feels more familiar and comfortable, with friends and lots of students who I know and who like me. What I still can't be sure about is...whether that feeling is genuine or purely because it's more familiar (i.e. whether at other schools I might find that same friendlyfriendly atmosphere) and whether that is enough to risk falling into old bad habits.

Last year I had the idea that I'd like to try doing Performing Arts, but I didn't really feel quite confident with it - it felt like such a big deal. Now, though, I think I'd really enjoy it. It feels so much simpler than I originally thought, and I think I could be much more organised and also much more confident. It's also that feeling of, if I take a day off or a week off even, or have a PD, that's just one lesson missed, even if it's by many classes, whereas one day off from my own class means potentially five lessons missed.

I think I could see myself enjoying doing something like that at APS. The only problem is whether I'd be able to and whether APS would have a space for it. They clearly didn't this year, but next year...who knows.

But all of this is premature. I've still got months before I need to start looking for jobs - or deciding not to. I suppose the good thing is that, if I don't get a job or decide to late or whatever, I know there's lots of work for me otherwise. I mean, I've been working 3-5 days consistently (on average 4 days) a week all year, except for time I've taken off myself, and that's been at only two schools. It also sounds as if I'd be in at Maree's school like a shot if I wanted to work in Catholic schools.

Anyway, yes.